I would like to say thank you for all of the support and kind words we have received. It helps immensely to hear from friends of Mel. I know he loved each and every one of you and would say thank you for each head scratch and every ball toss.
It's been a rough week, though the tears are subsiding. Even when there are no tears I feel out of sorts, as though a part of me has gone missing. While I hate that Ryan is also suffering, it does help that he is going through this with me and we take turns crying on shoulders.
Lucy is, in her own bizarrely special way, helping a lot. I started to break down the other night and she began nudging my back and whining. When I turned around she looked at me with her sweet brown eyes and said (in a voice that sounded surprisingly like Ryan's), "Momma, don't be sad". I immediately shut down the waterworks and went to give her a hug.
Lucy doesn't understand what is going on, but she knows something is up. She's been anxious and destructive in a way she hasn't been since Ryan went back to work when we moved back to Austin. This morning she got into a trash can and Saturday night it was an entire box of Christmas dog biscuits.
She, or should I say 'we', were paying for that Sunday morning.
She splarfed on four couch cushions, her dog bed, and the floor of the car on the way to the emergency vet. She's fine now, but boy was that fun to clean up. Never a dull moment.
Normally I hate New Years resolutions because I seem to forget what they even were come mid February, but maybe if I document them I'll have less of an excuse.
Things I need to get done that aren't fun:
1. Clean my office
Around the time we had the floors done, my office became a storage room. During the holidays it also became the room where I tossed all of my mail into random piles. I need to go through those to locate stray bills like, yesterday. And on that note...
2. Pay property tax
I love living in Austin, but once a year when the tax statement rolls in...yikes. We may have to dig into Lucy's college fund for this one.
3. Spring cleaning - cabinets and closets
I somehow manage to talk myself into thinking our house isn't that cluttered until I open one of the kitchen cabinets or upstairs closets and cringe in surprise that I am not immediately buried, sitcom style, in a pile of junk. This task shouldn't be too daunting if I do one cabinet or closet per day.
Things I would like to do for enjoyment:
1. Walk Lucy more
I can pretty much be counted out for walkies on dialysis days, but there's no excuse otherwise. She needs a whole lot more exercise than she's getting (as do I) so I think we can make the effort.
2. Blog more
One thing I should stop doing to make blogging seem less of a chore is to quit writing it on my daily to do lists. That way there's not as much pressure and it should make it more voluntary and fun.
3. Find more new music
My iPod still has a ton of free space and I had lots of fun last year discovering new bands. I am open to suggestions if anyone has any.
I think that's a good start.