Troubles McSteans

Morning, Troublemakers. I seem to be on the upswing from whatever yuck I had last week. The last of my fever went away Friday and I only struggled with minor aches over the weekend. Now all that's left is lots and lots of kleenex and a dry, hacking cough that is making me quite popular. It doesn't matter how discreet you try to be, when you are making that sound, people will politely back out of your radius. Sunday evening we were visited by one of Ryan's co-workers who brought over our yearly supply of Girl Scout cookies. I like that we're past the point of kidding ourselves. I know there were one or two years in there somewhere where we vowed to do good on our New Year's resolution of not eating junk and that included GS cookies, but we probably ended up getting at least one or two boxes anyway. A number of years ago, the Girl Scouts wizened up and completely got rid of the order form, pretty much rendering their sales pitch unnecessary. Lets be honest her...

My biggest phobia in the world is scorpions. I dislike spiders, but even a picture of a scorpion gives me the massive willies. About 15 minutes ago, I was minding my own business, watching the Emmys, surfing the Interwebs, petting a sleeping Scout, when I glanced up and saw a 3 inch prehistoric looking scorpion hanging out over the fireplace. Without moving an inch I summoned Ryan from upstairs. While I cowered outside with the dogs, Ryan thankfully took care of the situation. I believe this involved flipping the scorpion onto the floor and smashing it to a pulp repeatedly with a shoe. I cannot thank him enough for this act of bravery. Now I am looking up every 20 seconds or so to do a room check. I am so wigged out. I'm going to have nightmares and not be able to sleep. I don't even want to walk on the floor. I know. I have issues. In other news, I would like to send a huge, whopping THANK YOU to CBS for actually making the Emmy Awards show this year not only watcha...

So, my mother has always had this weird thing against blue foods. Luckily there aren't that many edible items that come in blue, but it does mean she abstains from things like blueberry pancakes and blue M&Ms. Yes, you heard me. Blue M&Ms. Don't ask, I don't even know. This morning I tried out a new snack item. We generally don't keep a lot of sugary foods in the house, unlike a few years ago. I no longer have cookies stashed in the cupboard or bags of Skittles and Hot Tamales lying around. I very rarely even indulge in my nightly bowl of cereal anymore. What I do enjoy is a mid-morning or post dialysis snack of Eggos and Starbucks frappuccino. Don't judge! Hey, the Eggos are Nutri-Grain, that's kinda healthy, right? Anyway, the last time I was at the store I thought I would branch out and try the blueberry flavor Eggos and this morning I cracked open the box for the first time. Immediately upon placing the Eggos on the plate I suspected there ...

Confession time. This is a biggie, too, not "I secretly like bacon on toast with jelly". Which I do. Some of you know this already, but the summer after I graduated high school I had elective jaw surgery to correct a weak chin and gummy smile. Talk of doing this surgery began when I was around junior high age, but I hadn't honestly given it much thought back then for two reasons: A) I thought plastic surgery was for losers B) I was scared pantsless about having major surgery By the time my senior year rolled around and I'd had a supper crappy year healthwise, I was no longer scared at the thought of major surgery and said "Why the hell not?". Summer after graduation seemed the logical time to alter my features since I was moving to a college where I knew no one and could avoid awkward stares and questions. And so as of June 10, 1993, there became 2 Troubles: Old Troubles circa 1990. What is with the dolphin, you ask? That is an uninteresting tale for ...