Much to Ryan's dismay and despite my recent rant, I'm once again going to watch the Oscars. Partially because I can't help myself and partially because I keep hearing things that lead me to believe this year could be a fantastic train wreck. Things like Hugh Jackman, who is not a comedian but who likes to sing and dance, will be hosting. Also there's supposed to be a 'storyline' to tie the award presentations together. Whooo boy.

I'm watching it on a slight time delay so I can fast forward through the commercials.

And away we go!

Red carpet

Angelina Jolie looks hilariously miserable

Tim Gunn is interviewing. Good call.

Kate Winslett. Her dress is gorgeous. Didn't see the Reader, but I did see her in Extras.

Josh Brolin is married to Diane Lane?

Amy Adams has an...interesting necklace

Sarah Jessica P and Matthew Broderick

Taraji P. Henson. She looks beautiful.

Frank Langella. He was amazing in Frost/Nixon, but I think there were better movies that could have been nominated

Ahahaha I think Brad and Angelina were trying to sneak in without being interviewed but got the Tim Gunn ambush at the last minute. Love him.

Miley Cyrus? Are you kidding me? Sheesh.

Valentino - zzzzzzzzzzzzz

OMG the entire cast of Slumdog. Need insulin. Kids. too. cute. Hee! one of the little boys wanted to meet Miley.

Oh crap, High School Musical cast members. Pandering to teens, much, ABC?

Robert Downey Jr. cleans up nice.

Viola Davis was apparently amazing in Doubt. That's nice. I have no interest.

Don't. Care. About. Miley. Cyrus, ABC. GAAAAAAAH

Anne Hathaway. Dress is stunning.

Jack Black - they had to catch him by the bar. Hee.

I have to say I haven't seen any horrendous dresses yet.

Wow, Seth Rogan looks nice. It's amazing what a haircut will do.

Interesting, Michael Giacchino is in charge of music for the evening. I love his work on Lost.

Preshow is over, time to switch DVR recordings.

Hugh looks nice, which is an understatement, but I'm a little disappointed he's not sporting his Wolverine claws.

Opening number. Pretty good! I like the 'downsized' set pieces.

Anne Hathaway has a nice voice

Hee Hugh started laughing during the song.

Good start - Hugh gets a standing O.

Oh, hello Daniel Craig.

Meryl Streep has been nominated 15 times.

Best Supporting Actress.
(They are having a group of past winners give the awards this year. This is rumored to be because last years winners are not recognizable enough. Nice. So.....they're talking about each nominee now? We don't get to see clips??? DO NOT WANT. This is STUPID. The clips are half of the fun!! )


It's. Still. Going. On.


Ok, Penelope Cruz. I didn't see any of these movies, so....yay?

I guess the storyline is the production process of a movie. Starting with screenplay. Bring out Tina Fey and Steve Martin for Best Original Screenplay. At least they're showing clips of these movies.

Milk! I liked that movie, although I would have been happy for WALL-E or In Bruges to win also.

Beautiful speech by Dustin Lance Black

Best Adapted Screenplay

Slumdog, yay!

Jennifer Aniston, Jack Black. Must be Best Animated Feature. Wait, they're doing a montge of animated features first. Maybe to emphasize what a joke this category is. If anything besides WALL-E wins I will eat my keys.

Oh good, I can lock the house tomorrow.

Best Animated Short - La Maison en Petits Cubes

BEST SPEECH EVER. Kunio Kata doesn't speak much English so he wrapped it up with "Domo Arigato Mr. Roboto". You win, sir.

Art Direction. SJParker and Daniel Craig.

Benjamin Button. Didn't see it.

Costume. I heard Austrailia was a real stinker. Guess it had pretty costumes?

The Duchess. Didn't see it but I hear Ralph Fiennes is in it. Maybe cable?

Makeup. If Benjamin Button doesn't win this I'll eat my keys.


Romance montage.

Natalie Portman, Ben Stiller, disguised as an insanely distracted Joaxuin Phoenix.


Slumdog! It was a cool looking movie.

I may have to start FFing through the speeches, I'm a little behind and I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Scientific Technical Awards were given out at a different ceremony because no one cares.

Comedy montage. Seth Rogan and James Franco. Pointless, but the funniest thing I've seen all night.

Best Live Action Short. Has anyone seen these?

The winner is Spielzeugplwkalsnkeiland (sorry it wasn't up on screen long enough to copy)

Hugh is going to sing and dance again. Oh geez it's Beyonce. They're doing some sort of musical medley. Zzzzzzzzz. Ok EVERY year they go over on time and this is an easy solution. CUT THE DANCE NUMBERS.

We haven't even gotten to Best Supporting Actor yet. Just for the record I have recorded the next TWO blocks of shows on the DVR to cover my bases. Now I'm wondering if it'll be enough.

Best Supporting Joker Oh sweet, Christopher Walken and Kevin Kline. That still doesn't make up for you taking away the movie clips, Academy, in case you were wondering. I like to see some of the performances I haven't seen to see why they were nominated. SHOW DON"T TELL. This just screams of Hollywood patting itself on the back, this actor talking directly to actor here. I just heard someone use the phrase "we sing your praises". Ok, that's the last I'll say on this matter. HATE IT PRODUCERS.

Heath Ledger, duh. His family is accepting. Glad he won.

Best Documentary. Bill Maher. I still want to see Man on Wire. I heard an interview with that guy on NPR and they asked him if he was afraid of anything. He said spiders. Me too, dude, me too.

Man on Wire. Yay? Wire guy just balanced the Oscar on his chin.

Best Documentary About Important Stuff No One Will See

Smile Pinki

Action montage. Ok, that was actually pretty cool.

Will Smith. Outstanding Visual Effects for Brad Pitt's Face

Benjamin Button

Outstanding Sound Editing

Dark Knight

Sound Mixing

Slumdog. They keep showing Dev Patel whenever Slumdog wins anything. I wonder if those kids have fallen asleep yet.

Film Editing Will Smith is STILL out there.

Slumdog. Where's Dev? OH THERE HE IS. Thanks for not disappointing, show director.

Jean Hersholt Award. What the? Is this new? Eddie Murphy presenting to Jerry Lewis. Snack break!

Frank Langella not impressed with Jerry Lewis. Looks like he's ready to call it a night. Me too, Frank!

Best Score Montage. This is actually one of my favorite categories.

Slumdog. Hi Dev. Did love the music in that one.

Best Original Song
Think it's crappy they have a montage of musicals, but won't play the entire songs nominated for best song. DUMB, ACADEMY. I actually like the songs this year and have all of them on my iPod. I'll be happy with whoever wins.

O Saya. Very cool. I'm disappointed they couldn't get M.I.A., but she just had a baby, so what are you going to do.

Peter Gabriel protested the abreviated songs (understandably) so they got John Legend. Um....they kept the Indian dancers on stage....what? Ok this is what happens when you get 45 seconds per song. FAIL


Jai Ho, from Slumdog wins. Where is he? Come on, you know you want to, show director. What? No Dev? Maybe he went to the bathroom.

Foreign Language Film. Frida Pinto and Liam Neeson. She is too pretty. I've only heard of Waltz With Bashir.

Departures, Japan. ? Never heard of it. Moving on.

Ah it's Queen Latifa. I think she's going to sing over the In Memoriam. Yep.

Geez are we even close? Oh good, Best Director That's a pretty big one, right? Right?? So tired.

Danny Boyle, Slumdog.

He's bouncing up and down (hee! he told his kids he would accept in the spirit of Tigger if he won)

Where's Dev? Did he leave?

OH THANK GOD ONLY 3 more awards. Don't tell me this is actually coming in on time?? Has that ever happened???

I actually caught up with the live broadcast so no more FFing for me. Stupid commercials. Now what am I supposed to do?

Soooooo.....How's everyone's day been going? Do anything exciting?

Oh we're back. Best Actress Ok, it really sounded like the announcer said "Harre Berry", but maybe I'm just hearing things. Oh geez, are these actors writing their own tributes? It sure sounds like it.

GET ON WITH IT. Sorry, I know I promised to shut up about this but this is seriously grating.

And we've come to the end of the scheduled broadcast on the DVR. Glad I recorded the 'news' so I could see the end of it.

Damn, these last 3 awards are going to take an hour.

FINALLY. Kate Winslet. I love you Kate, but you better not act surprised. This is only your 27th award for this movie.

No commercial break before Best Actor? Bless you, show director.

WHOA, DDLewis didn't show?? Interesting.

Sean Penn!! Yay! He was fantastic in Milk. Good movie.

Come on, Oscars, you can do it. Wrap it up before 11, please.

Whoa they're just gonna jump on in there - Best Picture. Steven Spielberg.

Slumdog Millionaire. Yays. Awwww, the kids!! Someone woke them up apparently. Dev is holding little Latika. So cute.

Thank you, Santa, we're done before 11!! Goodnight, everybody, I'm goin' to bed.


Anonymous said…
Great comments!
J.S. said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
J.S. said…
I just got around to reading your comments, and I think it's pretty safe to say that they were more entertaining than the actual awards. ;-)
Jill said…
Jamie, I'm late to reading this, but your commentary was WAY MORE entertaining. And the entire group of people who came to my Oscar party could not agree more about the uber annoying talking to the nominees about how fabulous they are. I wanted to die. And yell. OK, I yelled.

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