I'm going to take another shot at this live blogging thing. I figure, if I'm going to already be watching the Oscars, I could at least be doing something moderately constructive.

A word of warning. I'm not planning on editing this bad boy before I publish it, just so you know. I want to get to bed at a decent hour.

The ceremony doesn't start for another 2 hours, but E Exclamation Point is covering the arrivals. It is apparently pouring rain so all red carpet activities are taking place under tents.

Ugh, the E! (EEEEE!!!!) crew is so annoying I refuse to write about it.

So the Oscars have a few changes this year. They are going with 2 hosts, Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin. This could go one of two ways: it could actually be funny because these are funny guys, or it could be a scripted banter/wild and crazy guys disaster. We shall see.

The other major alteration is the expansion of the Best Picture category to include 10 films. My reservations here. I'm not going to rehash this. What's done is done, but I will say I was delighted to see Up and District 9 get nods. If McSteans was running the show, one of these 2 would win, but we're not, so they won't. No one ever listens to me.

Of the nominations this year, I've seen:
District 9
The Hurt Locker
An Education
Something I can't remember so it must have been awesome

Didn't get around to seeing:
The Blind Side
Up in the Air

Was on Deck on my Netflix queue but I guess they ran out:
A Serious Man

Oh yeah! Inglorious Basterds was the one I forgot. It was good, I didn't mean to imply I didn't like it, it's just that that's what happens when you have 10 movies nominated.

So I haven't seen a lot of the acting nominations, actually. One from each category except for Supporting Actress, of which I haven't seen any of the performances. I hear everything but Best Actress is pretty much a done deal. Mo'Nique, Christoph Waltz, and Jeff Bridges should all have their speeches ready.

HOLY COW Ryan Seacrest is short. This is brand new information, I know.

Sorry, I said I wasn't going to acknowledge E!!!'s coverage, but I got distracted.

Ah geez, Peter Sarsgasrd shaved his head. Not a good look, buddy. (For him. There are many people who can work that look. He is not one of them) I hope it's for a movie.

AAAAARG, E. They are using football analysis style arrows to discuss the ladies' dresses. Classy.

Jake Gyllenhaal must be tiny - I had no idea. The Seacrest side by side comparison is giving him away.

UGH only in Hollywood. I just heard someone marvel that "At 45 Sandra Bullock is better than ever!". I very seldom play the sexism card, but you would never hear that comment made about a man. Fact.

Sarah Jessica Parker talking about her genealogy show "Who do You Think You Are", which is a total rip off of the great PBS series "Faces of America".

Ok, the drawn dress analysis arrows are hysterical because they are essentially pointing at the actresses boobs. Nice.

There's George Clooney. You know, I didn't see Up in the Air, so I could be totally wrong about this, but I really wish his Best Actor nomination had gone to Sharlto Copley from District 9 or Sam Rockwell from Moon (which was criminally ignored by the Academy). Nothing against Clooney, but it seems like he's played this part before.

What a strange combo of people: George Clooney, Queen Latifa, and Adam Shankman

Queen Latifa looks gorgeous btw.

Yep, there's the boob pointer again.

Jeff Bridges. I can't wait for The Dude to give his acceptance speech.

It's almost time to switch over to ABC for the pre-show. Not that it's going to be any better than Eee!

Ok, here we go!

Old Oscar arrival footage

Chick from the View; Kathy Ireland (??), some editor from Entertainment Weekly

Wow, Kathy is awkward

They have all the Supporting Actresses lined up. Wow they are really playing up the competition aspect. No one seems like they want to participate in this.

Clooney high fiving the mundanes.

Clooney with his flavor of the week who doesn't speak Engligh

Sandra Bullock's dress is awesome. She looks nervous

UUUUUGH Kathy Ireland -- I'm getting second hand embarassment. They couldn't have gotten anyone else for this?

Is Morgan Freeman eating something?

Recap of movies the last time 10 movies were nominated. I'm embarassed I haven't heard of most of these.

GEEZ I'm tired of seeing Jennifer Lopez. Maybe she was just the most willing to give interviews.

Sarah Jessica Parker looks like a walking spray tan accident.

It's hilarious to hear actors parroting the same answers on ABC that they gave to the E(eeeeee!)! correspondents.

I don't want to hear about Whoopi Goldberg's leakage. (That was a commercial, just so you know)


Kate Winslet. I can't believe she's my age. Need more Oil of Olay.

I think ABC knows what they are dealing with. We haven't seen very much of Kathy "no I'm not reading from the monitors what would give you that impression?" Ireland.

Taylor Lautner is such a cheeseball. HAHAHAHA 10 second interview. Good call.

Chris March (Project Runway Season 5?) made Meryl Streep's dress. That is awesome.

I know this statement is a no brainer, but this new JLo movie looks horrible.

Show is starting now...

Oh, how embarassing, they have all the best actor and actress nominees on stage. Awk.....ward.

HAHAHAHA Neil Patrick Harris! YAY!! Good call.

I guess they wanted to recreate Wolverine's opening number from last year, but didn't think Baldwin or Martin could belt it out like Neil.

Here come the hosts.

I guess RDJ is taking over sunglasses duties from Jack Nicholson.

This double host thing is going ok, I suppose. I guess it's no less funny than a single host would be.

Wow.....George Clooney does not look like he wants to be there.

Sandra Bullock won a Razzie last night, ya'll. I'm just sayin'.

Geeeeez, Clooney looks pissed!! They need to stop cutting to him.

Best Supporting Actor


and because that means I get to see James McAvoy because he's in Christopher Plummer's clip. Ahem.

Wow, Stanley Tucci is a creeper in The Lovely Bones. Which I guess is the point.

Winner: Christoph Waltz (yay!)

Ryan Reynolds introducing The Blind Side

Best Animated Feature
Cameron Diaz, Steve Carell presenting

Dug!!! I hope Up wins! Tough category, though. Fantastic Mr. Fox was also fantastic.

Winner: Up!

Best Original Song
Amanda Seyfried, Miley Cyrus presenting

Guess they're not doing live performances this year. I guess if you want to cut down the length of the show, but I do miss hearing the songs.

I really need to see Princess and the Frog.

Nine looked so bad.

Ryan just said, "Ryan Bingham did that? I'm gonna go see that movie!" re: Crazy Heart

And Ryan Bingham wins!

Chris Fine...um I mean PINE to introduce District 9 (yay D9!!)

There's Sharlto! Shaaaaarrltoooooo

Ooh, I didn't think this dinner thing through very well. Ryan and I chose shrimp and I'm going to have shrimpy hands. Could make blogging difficult. Thanks to Ryan, btw for handling dinner!

Best Screenplay, Original
Robert Downey Jr., Tina Fey presenters

That is a gigantic bow, RDJ. Maybe he's going to use it for his getaway.

Winner: The Hurt Locker

I have instructed Ryan to bring lots of napkins along with the shrimpies.

Molly Ringwald, Matthew Broderick to give tribute to John Hughes, who passed away last year

John Hughes montage!

Awww that was sweet

Hey, it's all the John Hughes kid actors!

Samuel L. Jackson introducing Up

OMG just watching this is going to make me cry. That soundtrack....UGH.

Best Animated Short

Doesn't Pixar always win this?

Guess not! They're not even nominated this year

Wallace and Gromit!

Winner: Logorama

Best Documentary Short

The only Documentary I saw last year was Anvil: the story of Anvil and that wasn't even nominated.

Winner: Music by Prudence

WHAAAAAAT???? This woman totally just came up and Kanyed the director!! Who is this woman? Maybe she is involved in the movie somehow? Wow, they are playing her off. The funny thing is, Ryan just said before this, "This is invariably when something goes off the rails"

Best Live Action Short Subject

Winner: The New Tennants

Ben Stiller, dressed as a Na'vi: Best Makeup
Wow....this is going on WAY too long

Staaaarr Treeeeeeek

Never thought I'd say this, but it wasn't a big year for makeup

Winner: Star Trek

Ben Stiller is keeping his promise of standing far out of camera range so as not to demean the winner's acceptance speech.

Jeff Bridges to introduce A Serious Man, I'm guessing because of his work as The Dude

Best Adapted Screenplay
Jake Gyllenhaal, Rachel McAdams presenting

Winner: Precious

Yuuuuuuuck my keyboard is getting shrimpy

Queen Latifa to introduce clips from the Governor's Awards........Bathroom Break!

Oh boy, it's Robin Williams. How long will we be here? Oh wow he's not adlibbing!
Best Supporting Actress

I think they just leave Penelope Cruz's name on the ballot every year.

Winner: Mo'Nique
Wow, her clip was amazing. I'll have to watch that when it comes on cable. Great speech, too.

Colin Firth to introduce An Education. Great movie!

I have no idea how we're doing on time. We're only half way through the allotted 3 hours, but it seems like there's a heck of a lot more show to get through.

HAHAHA they just caught some dude running across stage

Best Art Direction
Sigourney Weaver presenting

Winner: Avatar

Sorry I'm falling behind on the commentary, but Scout keeps having coughing fits. This may have to be cut short if she keeps this up.

Best Costumes
Tom Ford, Sarah Jessica Parker presenting

Oooooh, Bright Star! Good movie :) For the ladies that is. Dudes wouldn't like it.

Winner: The Young Victoria

Why do the costume designers always have the weirdest outfits on?

Charlize Theron presenting Precious

Tribute to horror movies

Hee - Steve and Alec recreating Paranormal Activity
Hahahaha that was awesome!

Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner to introduce the horror montage.
Oh geez, Kristen is so awkward

Some of this is entertaining, but if you're trying to cut down the show's running time, this is a good place to start.

Gah this is going on WAY too long.

Tarantino liked it, surprise surprise.

Best Sound Editing
Zac Efron, Anna Kendrick presenting; Morgan Freeman narrating a demonstration video using The Dark Knight

Oh, Zac, your hair is insane

Winner: The Hurt Locker

Oh holy cow, I take back what I said about Zac's hair. This guy wins.

Best Sound Mixing
Winner: The Hurt Locker

Geez, I'm eating a ton of Goldfish

Elizabeth Banks in the thankless job of discussing the Sci Tech awards. You know, the ones no one cares about! Which is why they don't televise it.

John Travolta presenting Inglorious Basterds

Killin' Natzees!

We've got an hour left before we're running overtime. Let's bring it home, Alan Shankman! (show producer)

Best Cinematographer
Sandra Bullock presenter. I love, LOVE, her dress

Winner: Giant Smurf movie

CCH Pounder!! She is awesome. She does great work as Amanda Waller in the animated DC stuff

Demi Moore introducing the In Memoriam

James Taylor is singing.

LOL love whoever put in the clip of Dom DeLuise from The Muppet Movie!

Awww, Natasha Richardson. Damn, that was sad.

Best Original Score!
JLo, Sam Worthington presenting

This is my favorite category. Up better win. Michael Giacchino's work on this movie AND on LOST often moved me to tears.

Cool! They're using dancers from So You Think You Can Dance! Nice tie in, Adam Shankman ;)

Ya'll, as much as I love dance...this is a little dorky. You just ruined the UP soundtrack with your popping and locking!

Winner: Michael Giacchino! YES!!!

**Ryan just had to take Scout to the emergency vet. She coughed up something that looked like it had blood in it. Ugh. Thank you to Ryan for taking her! I'm feeling guilty for not going with them. I really hope she's ok.

Best Giant Blue People, I mean, Best Special Effects
Bradley Cooper, Gerard Butler presenting

Winner: Blue Cat People

Jason Bateman introducing Up in the Air

Best Documentary Feature
Matt Damon presenting

I'm embarrassed to admit I haven't seen any of these. I'm also embarrassed to admit it took me 3 tries to spell embarrassed correctly.

Winner: The Cove Fisher.....Stevens? Weird. I didn't know he was involved in this.

Wow, they are really starting to play people off super fast.

Best Editing
Tyler Perry presenting

Hee, Steve and Alec backstage in the world's largest Snuggie

Winner: The Hurt Locker

I hope we're getting close to the end.

Keanu Reeves introducing The Hurt Locker

Eeesh, this is going to run over. Why are the commercials so long??

Best Foreign Language Film
Pedro Almodóvar and Quentin Tarantino

Haven't seen any of these, either

Winner: El Secreto de Sus Ojos; Argentina

Kathy Bates presenting Avatar

UUUUUUGH another commercial. Make. It. End.

Straight into Best Actor clips

OH....CRAP THEY'RE DOING THIS AGAIN. They're having a friend tell a story about each of the nominees. THIS IS SUCH A TIME WASTER. UGH NO ONE CARES.

I do like this friend thing better than random past winners. At least they're telling personal stories.

Kate Winslet, presenter

Winner: Jeff Bridges

I can't believe how many of these winners I've typed before the actual announcement. Ha, love Jeff Bridges. The Dude Abides!

Oh no....he's rambling. Maybe he had a few White Russians before the ceremony.

*Blah blah blah You're So Great Actor Tributes*

HA Michael Sheen, you are awesome (ETA - LOL I typed Martin Sheen last night. Hey, it was late)

WOW, Peter Sarsgaard just spoiled his own movie

Gabourey Sidibe is such a sweetheart

Best Actress
Sean Penn, presenter

Winner: Sandra Bullock
Wow, it's weird to see Jesse James at the Oscars

Classy speech, Sandy

Best Director
Barbara Streisand, presenter

Winner:Katheryn Bigelow

Guess we know what won Best Picture

Best Picture
Tom Hanks, presenter
Winner: The Hurt Locker

Hahaha her soldier actors are freaking out. I was still sad Anthony Mackie didn't get a nomination. He was great.

We made it to the end! Wish I'd eaten something else besides shrimp and Goldfish for dinner. Goodnight everyone!

UPDATE: Scout is totally fine. She is home and sleeping.


The League said…
This post is 5x better than the actual Oscars.
J.S. said…
I just finally got around to reading this, and now I feel like I actually watched The Oscars. Actually, I feel like I just watched a much shorter, more entertaining version of The Oscars.

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